Editor's note: This is part one of the Ending the Stigma series on mental health

NAMPA, Idaho – The problem started in high school. 

That's when the scale began to control Lexi Ward and Casey Kispert's lives.

Despite not knowing one another the two volleyball players both became obsessed with how much they weighed and what they would look like in their uniforms.

"Starting in high school, I became obsessed with this number on the scale," said Ward, a 2020 Northwest Nazarene graduate. "I'm letting this scale determine if I can be happy for the day. Volleyball didn't help because you are playing in front of a thousand people and students and friends and family.

"It feels like everyone is staring at what you are insecure about."
 

When Kispert began weight lifting in high school, she started struggling with society's standard of what a woman should look like.

"I started getting stronger and I panicked and didn't like my body," said Kispert, a senior on the NNU volleyball team. "But that is good for your sport, getting more muscle. Strong women are not necessarily the ideal female (according to society). I hate that. The standards."

The pressure to stay thin ramped up by the time they got to college. In an effort to help other athletes and themselves, the pair started a YouTube page called Authentically Blonde, to create a place where they would discuss body image, mental health, anxiety and more. They published their first video on June 16, 2020, and were shocked by the response.



"We actually were kind of blown away by the following and the amount of outreach," said Kispert, who also created an Instagram account for the pair. "Initially, we wanted to start it for high school and middle school girls, which was the age we were when we felt alone.

"It's a good testimony that everyone is going through hard things. We are not alone."

The video series has enjoyed strong success early on, as they have had college students of both sexes reach out to them to talk. They even had Spencer Crandall, a country music singer from Nashville, Tenn., contact them so they could shoot a video together. In that episode, Crandall talked about his own anxieties performing in front of a crowd. They did another video with Gonzaga men's basketball player Corey Kispert, Casey's twin brother, and discussed the pressures of being a college athlete during the time of COVID-19.

"We were super nervous at first," Ward said of starting the video series. "We hadn't told a lot of people, and a lot of the things were between us two. Putting it all out there was scary, but the more we have talked about it and people reached out makes it more normal to us which makes it more normal to others.

"If we can help one person know they are not alone then it is all worth it."

Part of putting themselves into the public eye is attempting to end the stigma surrounding anxiety, panic attacks and medication.

"Lexi and I started this because we found we had a lot in common when it comes to mental health," Kispert said, "and we didn't feel like we had people in life we could relate to. The more we talked about it we realized we aren't alone and there are others dealing with these things, too."
 

The pair being so open about personal matters has not been lost on NNU head volleyball coach Doug English.

The coaching staff meets with each player individually once a month and works with interim head athletic trainer Jaime May and NNU clinical counselor Julie Barrass to promote healthy lifestyles for each student-athlete.

English works hard to establish a program that truly cares about the mind, body and spirit of his players.

So, when he sees Ward and Kispert taking the time to try to help others it makes him proud.

"It says something about the kids that they are able to take something they are struggling with and learning about and educating themselves in a public setting," he said. "I'm proud of them for speaking up about something that is not easy to talk about. Something that a lot of people would say is a weakness and making it a strength."